Notes on the Grammar of Apology
Why "I'm sorry you feel that way" fails, and always will.
The grammar of a bad apology is not hard to diagnose. It just moves the subject from the wrongdoer to the wronged, and everyone can feel it happen.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" fails as an apology for a reason that is almost entirely grammatical: it relocates the subject of the sentence from the person who acted to the person who was affected.
A real apology keeps the actor as the subject - I did this, I am sorry for it - and that small structural choice does more work than any amount of sincerity layered on top of the wrong sentence.
I do not think most bad apologies are dishonest. I think most of them are just built on the wrong frame, and the frame matters more than we tend to give it credit for.
